Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Confidence, self value, and self love.

I've had these purple pants just sitting in my closet. I bought them with every intention of wearing them everyday! I mean, they're purple! The problem with me and my "still learning how to be girly" is that I really had absolutely no idea how to style these purple pants! I would go on Pinterest and look and look and I'd see other girls styling their purple pants with these cute shirts, and I'd think "UGH, if I just had THAT shirt!" --- here's my issue with fashion and blogging and... well just being a girl in general:

We constantly feel less than because of what some other girl has that we do not have. 

Lately this has really been itchy at me. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do women need to better their appearance to feel equal to other girls? It baffles me, and yet, I'm right here doing the exact same thing. It's really quite the paradox. 

After really thinking about it, I believe that it's not so much out of jealousy, it's more about our self esteem and where we see our own self value. For example, when I meet another girl, especially one that I would deem stylish or pretty, I start to sort of take myself part when looking at the qualities she has that I do not have. 

"She has better teeth, she has nicer nails, she has those shoes, she has blonde hair, her hair is longer, her hair is prettier, smoother, she has better complexion, she better vocabulary, better, better, better!"

It's enough to drive yourself mad! Especially when you start to go into what that girl must do to look the way she does! It must be expensive, she must have a lot of money, she's so lucky!

We really do end up just tearing ourselves up. We do not benefit ourselves by comparing what we have to those of others, and lately I have been doing my utmost to change this way of thinking in myself. I've been focusing oh my own qualities, what I have that makes me special, not "better" than other girls. I think the key to really loving yourself is seeing something in yourself that YOU admire, that you would want others to admire, not be jealous of. 

When I decided to try this new way of thinking, little things started to change. Somehow... getting dressed suddenly became much easier! I stopped thinking about what I could have to make this outfit better, I instead focused on what I had that would make this outfit more "me."

It's really hard for me to not criticize myself, especially when I see flaws in my appearance. "No, I wont post that picture because of [insert typical self-deprecating comment here]." I still feel like I should delete pictures on here (especially) because I'm not comfortable with how I look in a good amount of them, but I think by posting these pictures and keeping them up, it's a form of me gaining confidence and appreciation for myself and my appearance. To keep trying to not be so critical of myself and just accept that I look the way I do and that it's something I am learning to love. 

I realize that it's a process, and that not everyone is born loving every little part about themselves and their appearance. Actually, I think deep down most people are self-conscious about one thing or another, which is extremely normal because, like I stated above, we tend to compare ourselves with people we deem look better or have better things. The thing we don't think about is that while we're comparing ourselves to that person, that person is probably comparing their self to us. 

When I put it into that perspective, there's really no need to focus on it so much. I'd rather just be the unique individual I am and call it a day!

There's this amazing video on YouTube "On Being Ugly" -- it's really quite gorgeous how this individual describes herself and what she thinks is beautiful. It really gives me a whole new outlook on myself and what I think it worth my time and effort... and how much of that should be spent on my "physical beauty."

In addition to that, another amazing video by meekakitty "How to accept a compliment" taught me that accepting a compliment does not make me arrogant! That someone can say "Hey, you there, you're kinda neat looking!" I don't have to feel odd or uncomfortable, or shun their compliment because I think that if I say "Thank you, kind sir!" I'd somehow be giving in to the ego demons... 

I guess, at the end of the day I just want to be able to be perfectly me without feeling like I'm not good enough, or that by sharing myself and my life, or the things I adore on a blog... that  it somehow makes me arrogant. 

I think it's really the first step into finding self confidence, being aware of your personal self value, and most importantly, self love. 

xox, a modern dame

1 comment:

  1. Everything you said is so true, I do the same thing! I ignore everything I have sometimes and only think about the one thing I don't have. It is so silly. Thank you for these inspiring words and your honesty. By the way I love these purple pants and your sheer top. I know I shouldn't be comparing myself after reading this but your flat tummy is to die for!! If I had it I would wear a crop top everyday...haha. Love cad